Month of King – Part 1: The Gruesome 80’s

Everybody loves a good horror movie, and as we all know there is only one king of horror the north knows, and his name is Stark. Oh sorry, I mean Stephen.
Yes, Stephen King has had works on the big screen for over three decades now, and not all of them good.
So the question is: what should YOU watch? Well, since I love you and apparently hate myself, I wrangled everything into one place so you don’t have to!
Sadly I lost the T.V stuff on the way, though a few may sneak through.
Welcome to the Month of King! Let’s begin where most good stories do, the beginning.
In a magical time when neon was king, when George Michael was god, and when legwarmers were still acceptable to wear in public:
It’s the radical 80’s!

LET’S BEGIN (DUN DUN DUNNN)

Carrie – (76) :

Okay so not technically from the 80’s but hey, I make the rules. Carrie follows the story of a fragile and sheltered girl who ends her prom drenched in pig’s blood, and understandably snaps. Oh, and did I mention she has psychic powers?

Verdict: *Shrug* – Directed by Brian De Palma, this hasn’t aged well, but you can still appreciate it.

Salem’s Lot – (79):

Not technically a movie but almost everyone seems to have forgotten that. This mini series follows a writer who moves back to his hometown, where residents now seem to have a fondness for kool-aid. Or Blood. Whatever. Directed by Tobe Hooper, who went on to direct Poltergeist *even though I think it was Spielberg *, this is the first (and best) in a long line of Salem’s Lot adaptations.

Verdict: Thumbs up! – Not the best, but better than most of what came after it.

The Shining – (80):

Probably the best film to be adapted from Stephen King’s work, it’s also (ironically) disliked by King because of how much it deviated from his story. The Shining is about a writer who becomes caretaker of a creepy hotel, brings his family for the trip and proceeds to go murderously insane. Happy times.

Verdict: Thumbs WAY up! – Stanley Kubrick’s most watchable film, unless you’re a film student.

Creepshow – (82):

A collection of horror stories, like a big-boy’s goosebumps. But about as scary. Creepshow was directed by George A Romero and was Stephen King’s screenwriting debut, and even features King himself proving why he’s a writer and not an actor. A collection of stories about a zombie, a yeti, more zombies, a swarm of cockroaches and Stephen King himself slowly turning into a plant.

Verdict: *Shrug* – It’s stupid and it knows it. I’d rather recommend the Twilight Zone Movie.

Cujo – (83):

Ah, good ol’ Cujo. The story of a rabid family dog that drove Saint Bernard sales right down to the ground.

Verdict: Thumbs up! – One of the better King movies around, but it aged like hell.

The Dead Zone – (83):

Christopher Walken sees the future and Martin Sheen is the president before he was on The West Wing.

Verdict: *Shrug* – A bit droll, but you could do worse. Maybe watch the SNL sketch instead – which is amazing.

Christine – (83):

Oh now you’re cookin’, Frankie! Everybody knows this story of the Plymouth from hell that has a serious jealous streak. John Carpenter directed this before the book had even hit the shelves, and he made quite a movie.

Verdict: Thumbs WAY up – John Carpenter is the man, check this one out.

Children of the Corn – (84):

A heartwarming story of cultism and cornfields. It was made in the 80’s, but has acting like a 1970’s porn.

Verdict: *Bad* – Seriously, you could do so much better than this.

Firestarter – (84):

Starring a wee lil’ Drew Barrymore, this is the story of a girl, who cried a river and burned the whole world.

Verdict: *Shrug* – Not half bad, but while Drew Barrymore has aged like a fine wine, this movie has not.

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